I need some input!

Hi friends, family and (possibly) fans. I'm not a poet, really. I have no formal training beyond my love of Whitman, Cummings, Frost, Blake and Shakespeare. But I keep trying.


And now I want to enter a contest. I've written a poem, revised and edited it for quite some time, and now it's time to submit it. But first, I want to post it here and see if you all would give me some tips. 


Don't worry about copyright. It's protected just fine. 


Here it is:

Ice Cream

Trickles of light

in a hall of books toys clothes and cat food

eddy and squirm around me

casting my shadow

on hardwood

and

resting on four forms. They

settle gently, breathing softly, one snuffling in sleep

and others- lips parted stomachs sighing- sing.

My lovelies sing a harmony

of whispering breathing and sleep creeping close.

I imagine that dreams

begin to glimmer

behind their closed lids.

Eyes

both blue and green- an inheritance from she and me- see

nothing. But imaginations begin to fire and I turn

from the room.

My heart

is heavythick with memory of

climbing trees, houses bursting with strangers,

long lectures from non-parents

and

always moving.

Playing monopoly risk chess checkers cops and robbers

with roommates not family.

Who is my father?

Where is my mother?

Who are all these people?

Was this family- all jumbled confused and angry?

Was this life?

Filled with boredom, rigid rules

candles incense rituals oil

and

empty of motherhugs and fathertalks.

Was this disorderly, off-key, strain-to-fit

melody my song?

Her voice echoes

off glimmering hardwood

pictures framed and couches stained.

She spins

tales of crafts legos books tears and hugs.

This is the harmony I love

the song I sought.

Her hand, chapped from vented heat

touches my arm.

Her fingers

entwine with mine

and

her smile

filled with wifelove, mothersweetness

draws me back to light

to life- present, real, sweet like ice cream- and family.

So tell me what you think please. I will be submitting this on Friday morning. 

And as for Servant of the King, when this week of getting submissions ready for contests is over, I'm going after it big time. I intend to get this book done within a couple of months, then revised and sent out and all of that by June. 

I will be a successful writer. Why? Because it turns out I can write and I am pretty lucky. Plus-- as the emperor in Return of the Jedi would say, "It is my dessssstiny." 

So even if my dad has to cut off my hand. Or even if I have to shrink, turn green and grow big, rotten apricot ears. Or even if I have to kick an ewok-- I'll be successful. 

Must be on some kind of poetry kick lately

I'm back again.

I've recently finished this poem and thought I would share it.

Let Me Trust in Thee

Let the wings of thy Spirit

Carry me nearer thy side,

That in the flesh shall I see

And in thy presence abide.

Let my weakness be consumed

As I am filled with love Divine.

And my countenance be changed

That from me, thy light might shine.

Let my soul delight in thee

And trust not in arms of others,

That thy blessings may be added

As I seek thy kingdom, Father.

Lord let me sing thy praises

With an eye and heart single.

Thy promises fill my soul!

Let thy Spirit with me linger.

Let me trust in thee my God.

Let fruit from the tree of life

Fill my heart with joy so sweet.

Cleanse me with His sacrifice. 

If you like it, feel free to share with friends and family. 

Remembering September 11 eight years ago.

I'm posting a poem I wrote about 9/11 here.

Please feel free to share if you feel it merits your support.

Hearts and minds

Time passes through our bodies

hearts and minds

like a cold, blunt knife

through butter

Changing our form

hearts and minds

with the heavy gravity

of aging life

Pushing and bullying memory

into the black-topped

shadowed, forgetting corners

of aging life

Hearts and minds

defy time’s violence

holding tightly to memory

pulling love from shadow

Cleaving to pain and tragedy.

Hearts and minds

disciplined by duty

will never forget.

Here's a little song I wrote...

you might have to sing it note for note....

Okay, it's actually a poem I wrote a while ago. Just thought I'd post it:

A day in my life

body creaking its protests
I lunge from sleep
and I'm already bristling
at the baby's weep
and brothers' indifference
to sister's noisy plea
to let her participate
"you give it to me!"

after yelling and threats
they're all at the table
screaming their hunger
the food will enable
the smallest of quiet
the barest of peace
but their breakfast gets over
before I take my seat!

now I'm hungry and mad
while they run to play
I'm tempted to use DVD
to keep them at bay a
nd finally a few bites
then it's lesson time
out come the workbooks
but the baby just climbed

on the hamsters' cage
now there's crying and mess
I get out the broom
and ask Him to bless
this day in my life
with patience and love
because these screaming pests
are gifts from above

a trust so divine
in my beloved and me
the anger and battle
become a memory
when I stop to think
about years with my wife
the happiness grows
with each day in my life

The night of Tuesday the 8th

It's late. We watched The Pianist tonight. I had seen it before, but had forgotten it some and Annemarie had never seen it. Yeah, it's good. Too bad Adrien Brody hasn't done much of worth since. No, The Darjeeling Limited really doesn't count, neither does The Jacket.

Anyway, I've been depressed and on a downer these last couple of days. Doubt, depression, doubt, anger, feelings of inadequacy, questioning... it's all been mixing it up inside me. Ugh. Lameness. Still there, but I'm trying to just muscle/push/work through it. Annemarie's very supportive, of course. But a lot of men can't pretend it's all better after a perfectly wonderful hug.

I wrote some today and yesterday. Yesterday's articles were for a contest on Helium, and today's were for a variety of things. Here are the links. I actually think they're all good, with the first few rather entertaining.

http://www.helium.com/items/983877-drink-merry-tomorrow-things
http://www.helium.com/items/983094-senator-barrack-obama-voted
http://www.helium.com/items/983027-championship-biggest-biters-recent
http://www.helium.com/items/982953-pretty-senator-mccain-going
http://www.helium.com/items/982336-creaking-protestsi-lunge-sleepand
http://www.helium.com/items/980612-human-raisin-ayeat-resounding
http://www.helium.com/items/980496-drink-drive-drink-operate
http://www.helium.com/items/980323-remove-moles-flood-their

These ones are the articles I wrote last Friday, minus the quizzes I am hoping to be picked up by a Marketplace publisher. Some of these are poems... so read them if you dare.
http://www.helium.com/items/973986-scouts-american-really-hijacked
http://www.helium.com/items/973858-morningfresh-airand-lightglow-prisondrawing
http://www.helium.com/items/973853-early-morning-springi-found
http://www.helium.com/items/973825-unsaidwellthere-nothingmore-believe-everything
http://www.helium.com/items/972989-heres-experiment-google-adjusted

Yes, I've been staying busy. I just need something to happen here. Like a job offer, or even a job response that validates my writing at least a little bit. Arg.

That's all for now. Still gonna write a bestseller, I am. I just don't see it yet. Hopefully soonish.

I do love writing. I need to do it better.

Wednesday draws to a close

Not bad, not bad. Let's see, I wrote piles, found a line on a pretty good job, talked to a lady named Twee, and got through a tough spot in The Cabin. Not bad at all.

So, like I said this morning, I wanted to write four articles for Helium. Okay, I actually wrote seven. Two were poems, but they're for a contest. Here are links to the latest:

http://www.helium.com/items/968581-means-shocked-question-asked
http://www.helium.com/items/968543-heart-attacki-todayhung-coatlooked
http://www.helium.com/items/968510-apartmentsdoors-windowswalls-roomscontain-people
http://www.helium.com/items/968477-shyness-really-doesnt-persons
http://www.helium.com/items/968200-begins-small-glimpse-perhaps
http://www.helium.com/items/968155-admit-freely-thirteen-seventeen
http://www.helium.com/items/967428-protect-files-computer-using

Whew. And this next one is the journalistic-type one that I wrote but had to turn into commentary for the purposes of timelessness.

http://www.helium.com/items/966247-through-generations-humanity-earth

I also rated for about forty minutes or so. So www.helium.com really got the lion's share of my efforts for the day.

Because of this labor on Helium, I ended up with less time for The Cabin than I had intended. But I still did just over 3800 words today.

Do the math with me: 2500 (Monday) + 5000 (Tuesday) + 3800 (Today) = 11300 words so far this week. My main character is leading me places I didn't intend to go, which has been interesting, since some of this book is autobiographical.

In any case, this week has probably been my most productive week of writing so far. I just have to keep it up.

The Etcetera
I went to that job fair this morning without much confidence that I would find anything worth my time. These things, particularly in the Provo/Orem area, seem to be 70% all about recruiting a willing sales force. That ain't me.

But I talked with a nice young lady by the name of Shersti who works for a company out of American Fork. We discussed a position they are trying to fill that would seem to fit my background and qualifications. She was pleasant and enjoyable to talk to, and I feel like I made an impression. I went ahead and e-mailed her an electronic copy of my resume, although I had given her one there at the fair.

Anyway, we'll see what happens. I am very interested to learn more about this job and company.

I also got a call from a lady named Twee who works at a company in Austin. I had sent an e-mail asking for further info and this was the second response I'd gotten back. Twee was very kind and excited, wanting me to let her know when I was going to be in Austin so we could do an interview. I really don't have specific plans yet, so I told her I might get back to her.

But that job looks like a sales rep job, which I don't do anymore. So I doubt I'll follow up on that with any real conviction.

Anyway, that's all for now. Oh, I did the shuttling to and from Spanish school today in the hopes of helping Annemarie get her current translation project done quickly. I find that the traffic is irritating, which reminds me that I really don't want to have to commute to any job I get. Nope, I really don't.

carpe somnium

Yes, I am going to be a bestselling author, since you asked.