Well, it's been a while. That's because I gave up.
No just kidding. See, there now. I just had a scene from Buckaroo Bonzai: The Adventures Across the Eighth Dimension flash through my head.
Enough of that. Here's what's been going on this week. Mainly, I had an interview with Challenger Schools on Tuesday afternoon. It went for about 3 1/2 hours and it went really well. I can't say with certainty that I will get that job, but I think the chances are good. It seems like a challenging, satisfying job, so I am excited about it. What's more, it sounds as if they will pay me wellish.
The thing is, I was just in Austin two weekends ago, interviewing and such for a spot in Texas Teaching Fellows. I loved Austin! It's such a lovely city, with a nice variety of topography. That might sound odd, but it's so true. There are riverfront, cool bridges, mid-sized mountains to hike, plenty of parks, quiet neighborhoods and more. All in all, it seems like a nice place to live and housing costs are remarkable. That alone is a reason to move there.
However, I was very turned off by the idea of teaching in public schools. My philosophies are so different from the going approaches and philosophies in the public programming system administered by the federal Department of Education, that I just found myself seething through a lot of the mock lessons and faculty meetings. I can't stand the complete unwillingness to stop throwing financial band-aids on educational problems.
Then I started realizing how much of my soul and heart I would have to sell to my job if I got going with Texas Teaching Fellows. I truly admire those who want to devote themselves to this work, despite the empirical fact that the system is broken. But I love my family too much to be eager to spend ten hour days in classrooms filled with emasculated boys and over-compensating girls. I don't want to spend my days putting my all into a job, because I want to put my all into my family and have my job be secondary.
This doesn't mean that I want to laze off or have an easy job. Rather it means I would like to put my heart and mind to hard work at my job, but then be able to leave at a consistently decent hour and not have to worry about hitting academic yearly progress benchmarks and worry that my school is going to lose funding if the right percentage of students does not pass an idiotic standardized test.
Then TTF (Texas Teaching Fellows) offered me a spot in the program. This is a guaranteed job pretty much, making more than I've ever made and living in a town I loved. They said I needed to complete the enrollment process, which includes a $150 fee and some other things, by May 9th.
Today's May 8th and I haven't even begun. Why? Because amidst all the thought, talking with Annemarie and soul-searching, I got on my knees a lot too. I felt like I had an answer in a very still, very soft, very immediate voice. The answer was "No." I asked Annemarie to pray about it too and she said that it was my decision and was adamant about not putting pressure on me. We spent all of last week talking and talking and trying to get things out. I won't go into much more detail, but both of us were feeling very worried, pressured, stressed and in a somewhat dark place. But I was praying and I am sure she was too. I prayed enough and listened enough that I was sure the answer I was getting was not being interfered with by my fears and concerns.
Sunday night we talked more. I made it clear that I felt strongly about not doing TTF, for many reasons. I said that we had always been completely united in what we have done, and I really needed Annemarie to get her own answer so that we could both feel completely at peace individually. I shared that I felt like we were supposed to extend our spiritual stride and somethign would happen; something good would come of it. I believed that both of us on our knees being fully willing to do God's will, whatever it was and even if it meant we didn't take the sure-thing TTF job, would yield the blessing we needed.
Monday morning dawned. It was about 9:30AM when we were in the kitchen. I looked at Annemarie. She smiled and said, "We're not going to Austin."
There was more to her answer than those five words. Heart-felt, two way prayers and answers. We talked for a moment and shared our feelings. We were united.
Ten, maybe fifteen, minutes later, we got a call from the lady at Challenger Schools. Could I come in for an interview and some tests?
You bet I could!
So that's what's been going on. The difference in our home is palpable. We have gone from stressed, worried and on edge to calm, united, and directed.
I share this because I feel so strongly that God is with each of us, whether we believe in Him or not. Even if we don't believe in Him, He believes in us. He waits for us to humble ourselves and adjust our will to His. Then happiness is multiplied and peace is increased.
Also on Monday and Tuesday we helped a sister move. It was quite a process. Yesterday I took the day off to recover from too much stress. We rearranged our living room and have begun the process of reclaiming our bedroom.
Today I am working on The Cabin. I will do a lot in it. I am at 40,300 words. I'll let you know how far I get.
I really am going to be a bestselling author.
carpe somnium
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