Full circle?

Well I'm back at the ELC. Right where I was just over a year ago. Is this a step back?

I really don't think so. My writing vastly improved over the last year and I significantly advanced that aspect of my career. I'm surprisingly excited about being back at the ELC, and I have found myself quite interested in the success of other teachers. Who knows, perhaps the future is clarifying a bit.

Incidentally, my wife (the burning hot Annemarie) says that I share more with this blog than I do with her. She brought this up after my commentary about second-guessing and regrets in my last post. The truth is, I don't actually regret any of all that stuff I mentioned. I look back, see what might have been, think, "Huh.. oh well, we're good and have learned a lot and are undeservedly blessed and happy, so no worries, really," and then I let it go. So those aren't , emotional regrets. That was a mental exploration of what could possibly have happened, with no longing or nostalgia involved whatsoever.

I don't want anyone to think that I am an unfeeling, heartless, cold bastard, but I am perhaps too capable of moving on emotionally.

Anyhoo, the ELC goes well. It's always a furious initial swim to get to a place where I can stay afloat without too much stress. So that initial fury is in full swing right now, but I'll get there within the week I imagine. I've actually ended up with 3 classes for the semester. Two of them are level five applied grammar classes and one is a level 3 writing class. Since they are all basically writing classes, they qualify as 1.5 classes pay-wise.

So that's a good thing financially. Not the ideal, really, but it should get us to where we want to go.

That's all for now. Still working toward picking up The Cabin next week. I'm preparing a query to a lady with Little Brown, who I heard may be looking for a YA novel involving living in a cult.

Carpe somnium, amigos.

Scrabbling upward

Back again. I know, two days in a row! Shocking, but a blessing to all those reading.

Only joking.

The last couple of days have been challenging, to say the least. I've been trying to fight the hit on my self-esteem that losing out on this job is dealing me. Brain-wise, I know perfectly well that the job fell through because of budget issues, but that otherwise I had it in the bag. That is comforting, but it doesn't help the old concept that I am supposed to be providing for my family and that I just can't seem to do it.

Doubts and stuff keep resurfacing. Should I have just stuck out the MA in TESOL program? Why didn't we just stay in Alaska and stay afloat up there, particularly since this year's dividend is something in the neighborhood of $3000! Maybe we should have not done the whole QuitandWrite thing and just stayed at the teaching. I mean, there's no doubt that if we had refinanced this house to take out a bunch of the equity, and then re-invested that cash into another property, we would be better off financially.

Arg. Why can't I be like the Last Unicorn and not be able to have regrets?

Then there's my certainty that The Cabin is going to sell, and then do really well. But that's going to take time. And then if it doesn't even happen, clearly I just suck.

Which I don't think is the case.

So now I've signed up to teach two writing classes at BYU's English Language Center. That's a semester-long commitment, so I will put the full-time job search on hold. I've also started prospecting for more freelance work via www.getafreelancer.com. Then there's the work I'm doing for a friend, who runs www.schooltipline.com.

Scrabbling upward. Got to keep afloat and keep the dream alive.

Sometimes (read: often) I find myself thinking that the cosmos (read: God in His Heaven) is telling me that I'm not really ever supposed to get tied up in a regular 8-5 job. If that's the case, and if we're supposed to just continue on our atypical path, that's fine. But we need to have some of these outside the box things come through.

Blech. I'll stop with the moroseness.

I wrote three articles for Helium today. One is for the Marketplace, and if it gets picked up, that's a pretty good paycheck for an article. Incidentally, I'm making upward of $50 each month on Helium, without really doing anything for the last few months. Not a terrible residual.

I'll be picking up The Cabin again probably in another week. I need to get settled in at the ELC again.

Carpe somnium, dudes.

Another day

another lack of dollars.

Feverishly looking for a job. I'm about to start considering the hourly wage stuff that I see all over the place.

The thing is, I don't really want to get trapped into a job, since that's not how to get out of the rat race. But I need to have one of the several time and money investments I've made that are outside the box pay off.

Until then, I'm still after the writing. I will be drumming up freelance work this morning.

Back later.

Well if that doesn't just hang it all...

How dumb. I got a verbal offer on the job I interviewed for a couple weeks ago. The offered salary was good enough to accept. The job was as a creative writer in their marketing area.

Then I got the written offer, and it was the same. I had a start date set; it was to be tomorrow the 3rd.

This afternoon I got a phone call from the head of the creative services department. Due to her just having found out about budgetary restraints and cut-backs, they had to not hire me.

So I was downsized before I even started.

Double crap.

Really.. in all truth.. and not to put too fine a point on it.. (please don't say I'm the only bee in your bonnet) this is a very unpleasant turn of events.

Now I'm thinking George Michael. Because now I really 'got to have faith-a.' Baby.

I've sent out about five queries about The Cabin. One agent already said no. Her loss.

I also sent out a query with my revised version of It's Not Tomato Sauce, my picture book manuscript.

Off to bed. There would be a tear in my beer if I drank the stuff. Beer, not tears that is, since of course I drink tears. Like water.

Still gonna carpe that somnium.